Wednesday, January 31, 2007
The jitters…
I know my entries have recently being very highly oriented on the parenting side of life. It’s unintentional. The truth is that when you are a parent to little kid(s), you barely get another side. At least I don’t. And there’s been no exciting cooking to report. Unless you want to read a tuna salad recipe… (mix tuna with mayo… spread on toast… voila…)
My mind (and hormones) constantly revolve around the art of parenting, and most of the time I feel like a complete failure. Did you know there are kids out there who read by the age of two? And are already potty trained? And are incredibly well behaved?
Every day I wrestle with a question of what it is exactly that I’m supposed to do. If a kid is adamant about not eating something, do I take a stand? Back out? What am I teaching by that action? Or this one? What if he’s doing something dangerous? Do I yell? Do I punish? How? How do I get through to him the fact that jumping of the edge of the couch onto a ceramic floor is not gonna end well? What am I missing that other people know?
Most of the time I feel at a complete loss. Sometimes I actually pick up the phone and call my dad and practically cry about how terrified I am of this whole parenting gig. My son is changing every day, he’s got an intensely forceful personality, and I always feel like I’m playing catch up.
And right now the pressure I feel is to teach him Russian. Cause everyone I’ve ever met in my life who didn’t learn a language their parents know, eventually asked them “Why didn’t you teach me?” I don’t want to have to answer to that. And I really want him to learn it… But it’s also a language my husband doesn’t understand, and therefore I’m all alone in my endeavor. I can’t be systematic about it, the way most of the net suggests (one parent – one language), cause than dad will be out of the loop. I switch back and forth all the time, and always wonder how much confusion there must be in the kiddo’s head. I spend hours on end looking for educational material, I try to show him cartoons, play songs... He actually understands me when I ask for simple things in Russian. But the words he chooses to say are 99% English… Go figure… What am I supposed to do?
Basically, I now feel that parenting is the most nerve-wracking experience I’ve had in my life. Never had I doubted myself so much. Never was I so scared… Turning around for a second and finding the kid barely balancing on a box I had no idea he knew how to climb – these kind of things make me shake to the bone. It seems like yesterday he could barely crawl, and now he’s into climbing onto anything vertical he can find. And I’m absolutely freaking out… What if I don’t catch him on time?
And I’m about to have two of them… I have no idea what I’m gonna do… Two boys…
I am so terrified I can’t think…
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Hey!!Congratulations on the 2nd boy!!Two boys,OY!!! Good luck!:)
Sorry I missed two of your posts,my blog isn't working for some,they can't open or comment.So I am frantically trying to read,search and fix it before I will be all alone with my posts!:D
Nesting is common,go with the flow and never doubt your ability as a parent.Remember you are the boss,and you make decisions.
My both kids donot speak any other language except English.We did try to talk to them in Kannada but they always ans back in English!They do understand most of Kannada but prefer to speak English.We don't worry abt that since they are Americans,not exactly willing to go to India and live there anyway.
Enjoy(!) the last month and have a great time welcoming the second one!Can't wait Lisa!:))
Vasilisa,
It sounds like normal anxiety. I'm sure you will be fine. Relax. God has blessed you.
Sounds like you need to take a few deep breaths and RELAX!
From what I've read on here, it sounds like you are doing a great job raising your son, and I think you'll continue to do a great job with boy #2. I think the fact that you are even concerned shows that you are doing great. It goes kind of like this; do crazy people know they're crazy? No! If you know enough to ask the question, then you're doing fine. Think of all the truly awful parents out there (you know, the ones like this http://wcbstv.com/kcbs/topstories/topstories_story_365194331.html)
and just think about how often they re-assess their parenting skills. Your children are lucky to have a mother like you.
Also, don't worry about the language thing. The only way to learn it is to use it, so even if you just gradually incorporate more Russian into your everyday talk with him, he'll pick it up. The more he hears, the more he'll remember.
Sorry, wrong link above. Here's the correct one.
http://wcbstv.com/kcbs/topstories/topstories_story_365194331.html
I feel the way you're feeling much of the time! So do the parents that seem like they have it all together.
Parenting isn't a science, it's an art. Everyone does it in their own way. You are the best equipped to parent your child (and soon, children!). Keep parenting from the heart - you won't go wrong.
Asha: I wish the kid knew I'm the boss! Right now he seems to think it's the other way around :-) It's good when kids at least understand -- that way if they choose to learn it when they grow up, it will be a lot easier for them...
Alexys: That's what my hubs and dad keep telling me -- that I'm just anxious cause of hormones... I'm trying to relax, but it's beyond my control most of the time.
Judy: Thanks for the encouragement... And that link -- that's one scary story. The image of the kid on the highway got stuck in my mind... And the thought that the mother was so nonchalant about it !
Leslie: I'm glad to hear that others feel that way. Cause sometimes I wonder if I'm the only insane one. Cause some people really seem to keep it together -- but then again, maybe I look "together" to onlookers too. Boy, they are wrong :-)
Hey V, I'm not going to sugar-coated it. At times, having to take care of a baby and a toddler will drive you crazy. But there will also be times when you feel like you are luckiest person in the world, especially when you see the older kid talk and try to take care of the baby. Stop stressing over this. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. Just do the best you can. You know more than you realize. Enjoy the ride, the kiddo will be leaving the nest before you know it.
DaddyForever: That's why I love visiting your blog -- seeing that you managing three kids! I think knowing that people do do it, is the only thing that keeps me sane right now... Thanks for encouragement :-)
2 boys...heh heh...
I'm with you.
I have them. And before boy number 2 was born, I was petrified. I'm an only child, so the thought of 2 was completely confusing!
So far, so good. It's not as bad as you think. It's just very tiring.