Wednesday, March 28, 2007

It's already been a week...

Has it really been a week already? A whole week of us being a family of four?

I still can't believe it...

These past week, during the few moments I’d get to myself, I’d sit down and try to write something… It would normally be a paragraph or so. And I’d fully intend to continue on that thought when I get back to it again, but when I do, I’m usually in a totally different emotional/physical state. I can’t seem to stay on one wave long enough to complete an entry. It has been a real emotional roller coaster. Augmented by lack of sleep, pain killers and, naturally, the new baby in the house.

Who, by the way, rules…

One day I was going to write about lack of sleep. The absolute total exhaustion you feel after not sleeping at all for two days (for I really haven’t mastered the art of sleeping in a hospital) and how the world seems bleak through the groggy eyes… But then the baby slept a few stretches of almost four hours and I caught up, and none of that rang true anymore…

Another major issue was me missing my toddler. Which still is an issue. I’m just a bit more rational now.

The thing is, up until the night I got induce I’ve never spent a night without the kiddo. Not a single one. I haven’t even been away from him for longer than a few hours. And then I had to spend three nights in a row without him. The day I came back home, I was so miserable that even though my husband thought it would be better for him to stay with his grandparents for one more night so we could rest – I just couldn’t do it. I broke into miserable pathetic crying mess and told the hubs that the kid is staying home, even if I’m never sleeping again. And so we had to balance both kids the very first night. But it was worth it…

In a way I missed my toddler throughout this pregnancy. Cause I was sick most of the time, I couldn’t take him places, I couldn’t play games with him. Somehow all these thoughts came crushing on me this week. I just want him home… With me… Yes, I’m having serious attachment issues…

But most of the time I’ve been happy. I’ve always wanted kids. The other night we decided to bathe the newborn. The toddler was there to help. Between trying to grab the showerhead, throwing duckies at the baby and exploring the workings of the toilet, it was a very intense experience, to say the least. The kind that makes you think “what did I get myself into?” But then the toddler got his bath too. And as my husband was carrying him out, a happy/giggling head sticking out of the towel, I was walking in the opposite direction with the newborn in my arms. And we passed the big mirror… We both stalled, staring at the reflection. Cause there, looking back at us was a real family.

You know that feeling when you realize that your dreams came true? I didn’t know it before. But now I do. I have everything I’ve ever wanted. And if I ever forget it, I always have that big mirror…

Posted by vasilisa @ 12:03 a.m.

Read or Post a Comment

One of the things I've been a little sad about with our new baby coming is that it won't ever just be Julia and me again. I'm thrilled about the baby, don't get me wrong, but there's something about it being her and I that is so special and I don't want to lose it. I know I shouldn't worry - things will work out and there will be enough love to go around, but I'm so emotional right now. It's hard to use logic with me.

I love this post. It was just beautiful. Congratulations. You have a lovely family!

Posted by Anonymous Leslie @ 10:05 a.m. #

Wow, that's pretty amazing seeing your family in the mirror and having that recognition of what really matters. Truly wonderful!

Posted by Blogger Anali @ 7:14 p.m. #

oh gosh, such cute children!!
just keep the pictures coming!

i come from a large family with a few siblings and lots and lots of cousins ... i always figured that i'd have many kids too by the time that i am thirty-one. when i read your story, i really wonder if i made some wrong choices in my life and if i might be a tad to egoistic ...

your family looks just perfect.
i salute you!!

Posted by Blogger tschoerda @ 1:49 a.m. #

Lisa, I love that mirror too,symbolically!!It's so true that we don't realize what we have become until something or somebody points it out!
Enjoy the Toddler and the baby.They grow up so fast.I can't even imagine my kids being babies now and I flip thru' their baby albums when I feel that!;D
Now Lisa,you need a girl in that equation!!NO!! Don't kill me but in a few years down the lane may be!!Girls are gems,need to have at least one!:)
Well..enjoy and Tomatoes are up at FH if you like.Have a great weekend.Hugs.

Posted by Blogger Asha @ 8:23 a.m. #

That was a beautiful post. Kiddo II is such a sweet boy.
I was a little sad after Roo was born because it had been just the three of us for almost 11 years. We were all so good together. He was a HUGE adjustment, but I think we'll keep him. He's kinda cute :)

Posted by Blogger peepnroosmom @ 3:46 p.m. #

Oh my....Congratulations are in order,first of have a beautiful baby!
I went through something similar before my second son was born, I was and am so attached to my firstborn, I was feeling so guilty that the "new" baby would get all the attention, I was a wreck...but..things got better...I didn't know how powerful being a mother is, a mom has unconditional love for each of her never changes, it just grows.

Love to you & your babies,

Posted by Blogger trupti @ 10:54 a.m. #

Okay, so I'm not normally a highly emotional person, but that post almost made me cry! Seriously, my eyes were getting dewy. It sounds like you are doing really well, balancing your two kids, and I think you'll fall into a wonderful new routine soon enough. Again, congrats on the beautiful baby!

Posted by Blogger Judy @ 7:02 p.m. #

I have heard it said that your love isn't divided among your children, but grown and expanded by them (Was that me saying that to my six...?), and it is absolutely true. You have so many wonderful things ahead of you with these two little ones. As my nest gets emptier (only 2 still at home now), I miss all the noise and confusion, (rap music), mess, that I occasionally used to complain about! Enjoy!

Posted by Blogger Deborah Dowd @ 8:00 a.m. #
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I'm a 29 year old mom of two! A toddler (kiddo one) and a new baby (kiddo junior). I am also the most horrible (as in I barely ever do it) cook that I have met in my life. This blog is a diary of my attempts to feed my hungry growing family

PS: My name is not actually Vasilisa... But I find that honest reporting comes easier when there is a shred of anonymity. (Apparently, posting pics of my sons doesn't count...)

PPS: For those of you wondering where on the planet I am: I'm cosily tacked away in the Torontonian suburbia of the Great White North (Canada).

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